Another Radio Day! Parents Rule with Pat

I'm doing a radio show this afternoon on topics from my latest parenting book, The Preschooler Problem Solver (Peachtree, 2009). I'll post the announcement for the show below, which you can listen to on the radio, the internet or by podcast. Pat Montgomery, the host and a parenting expert herself, and I will cover lots of interesting topics, including how to handle oppositional kids, coping with meltdowns, talking to kids about fun topics like sex or family finances, how to help your child make and keep friends, and of course, that perennial favorite, how to get your kid to quit picking his nose at the supermarket. Should be a good hour - please join us or send Pat your questions!

In case you didn't get an email from me about the show, here's the official announcement from Pat:

It is about time someone wrote a book about preschoolers and the myriad of issues their parents face. My guest this week has done it for us and she is willing to tell all she knows. At least all that will fit into the hour long show!

Carol Baicker-McKee PhD is trained in child and family psychology, as well as being a mom of three. Her book, The Preschooler Problem Solver: Tackling Tough and Tricky Transitions with Your Two to Five Year Old, is terrific. She has so many wonderful ideas and insights from all her experience that she shares in this book. And, it is a fun and interesting read!

We are going to discuss:

The defiant toddler

Nose picking

Planning for the new baby

Toilet training

And much more.

You are not going to want to miss this show!

Blog: http://www.parentsrulewithpat.blogspot.com

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You are welcome to call in during live shows with questions or comments. 404-943-1620

Be sure to pass this notice on to anyone you know who would be interested in this topic.

Knowledge is power. Be informed.

As always, you can hear the show locally in Sandy Springs on 1620 a.m. or, for most of you, on the internet at www.radiosandysprings.com or www.americaswebradio from 2-3pm EST every Thursday.

Can't listen at that time?

Go to iTunes and sign up for free podcasts!! Browse for Parents Rule. That way you will never miss a show.

Or

Go to http://www.radiosandysprings.com/showpages/parents.php to listen or download at your convenience. Any problems with that, give me a call.

Upcoming shows:

Mar 25 Helping Kids that Others Don’t

Apr 1 replay of Nightmares and Dreams

Apr 8 Dr. Papciak, our favorite pediatrician, is back

Apr 15 TBD

Apr 22 Grandparenting

Apr 29 TBD

Radio Day

I'm doing two radio shows today for my latest parenting book, The Preschooler Problem Solver (Peachtree, 2009). The first show today is with Grandparenting Today on WMKV-FM in Cincinnati OH. I'll be chatting with host Sue Zimmermann from 1:30 to 2 pm EST about a variety of topics related to young kids and grandparents. The show also streams live here.

Then this evening, I'll be talking about manners for munchkins with Stacey Powells on The Exhausted Parent Network show on KMMT radio in Mammoth, CA shortly after 7 pm PST. You can click on the link to listen to the show live here.

Come join us!

Tuesday Tip Day: Reading to Babies

Rats. I wanted to use an incredibly cute picture of my oldest "reading" a book when he was about 5 months old to illustrate this post, but ever since I upgraded my Mac operating system to Leopard I haven't been able to get my scanner to work. (I have a Kodak EasyShare 5300 all-in-one printer/scanner/copier if anyone has any suggestions - tech support is stumped, though it's clear from message boards that I'm hardly the only one having scanner problems with Leopard.) So no sketches either until I get this worked out.

Anyhow, I've been thinking about reading to babies ever since a recent chat with a neighbor who was complaining about how it was impossible to read to her 9-month old. It was clear to me that she was having a completely typical experience with a baby that age - he was squirmy, insisted on turning the pages himself every which direction, had no interest in the story, and only occasionally paused to check out a picture. She felt like he was getting nothing out of their storytimes - and all she was getting was frustrated. But believe it or not, that crazy kind of reading session is enormously valuable for a child that age - her baby's developing his fine motor skills, visual tracking ability, and sense of self and initiative while learning about the physical characteristics of books, and even absorbing some language - all good things. The only problem, really, is that the mom needed to be reassured that their experience was normal and worthwhile.

And then today I saw a great article by librarian and children's literature reviewer Karen MacPherson in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette about Beginning with Books' annual Best Books for Babies list. You can read the article, with its excellent tips for choosing and sharing books with babies and toddlers here. (Okay, it caught my eye because my book Cheep! Cheep! - pictured above - made the list.) But it reminded me of several difficulties parents face when trying to find and read books to the littlest guys: one, it's hard to find quality books pitched just right for babies; two, parenting books rarely inform parents what's normal about reading with different age babies; and three, that's important information, because babies of different ages have very different interests, skills, and needs - just imagine the vast differences in motor skills, language, and passions between a newborn and a two year old!

The following list of what kinds of books and how to read to babies of different ages is my own, unscientific one, based on my experiences as a parent and former infant and toddler daycare teacher, seasoned with my knowledge of child development. If anyone out there has different or additional info, please share it! And please, please, please, share your favorite book choices for different ages!

I'll start this week with tips for the first year of life:

Prenatal to 3 months Yes! You can start reading to your baby even before she's born, though people like my husband might laugh at you. Babies can hear well before birth, and there are clever studies showing fetuses not only recognize the voices they heard in utero, but the actual stories they listened to in the weeks before birth. Naturally, the illustrations don't matter - nor do they matter much for the first few months after birth, when babies' vision is fuzzy and they'd prefer to watch you making those funny faces as you talk anyhow. Your best bets are books with rhyme, rhythm, and repetition - Mother Goose, Dr. Seuss, Shakespeare, song lyrics - whatever you enjoy.

3 to 6 months Lap babies who aren't yet total wiggleworms are the perfect age for cuddle-reading. Especially if you've been reading all along, expect baby to sit on your lap and study the pictures while you read to her. Babies this age like to finger the edges of the covers and pages and to pat or "rake" the pictures. What's best? Very brief texts to accommodate baby's short attention span, lines with rhyme and rhythm, and illustrations that are simple and bold, with lots of contrast (bright colors, heavy black outlines, etc.). Babies this age LOVE to look at faces, and will smile themselves at a smiling face or stare soberly at a sad one.

6 to 12 months During the second half of this year, baby's emerging fine motor skills - and his drive to scoot, crawl, cruise and go, go, go make reading to him a real challenge. But his growing language awareness, his need to explore the concept of symbols (the idea that something -like a picture of a dog - can stand for a real thing, like an actual dog), his emerging ability to self-calm, and his rapidly developing visual and fine motor skills make reading practically an essential activity. This is the age for board books, cloth books, and those plastic books for the bath or high chair. When babies stick their books in their mouths, they're not just tasting them or trying to eat them, but learning about their tactile qualties using their enormously sensitive lips and tongues. Huh! How weird is it that that picture that looks like a fuzzy duckling feels cool and smooth and tastes like cardboard? The ability to grasp a page or group of pages helps refine baby's grasp, and he can play peek-a-boo to learn about object constancy (the idea that things still exist when out of sight) as he turns the pages back and forth, back and forth. Toward the end of the first year, some babies will have clear favorites they want you to "read." But forget about a storyline, or even trying to read one-word pages in order. Naming, pointing, and just playing "surprise!" or "Huh! Look at that again!" will make for a more satisfying storytime than trying to plow through a book front to back. Best bets: books with familiar objects, animals, and other babies, limited or even no text, and, toward baby's first birthday, ones with a bit of detail and perhaps an object or two to hunt for on each page.

Okay - comment with your suggestions please!

P.S. Those of you who love 3-D art, like I do, check out Salley Mavor's Wee Willie Winkie title on the Best Books list - it's breathtaking, as all of Salley's work is.

More Cabin Fever Cures

I'm a little late with this - sorry to anyone who's been checking for it. Had to help my daughter and her friends run the snack bar for the high school wrestling match last night, and I was just too whupped when I got home to get this up.

BUT, as promised, here is the "LE" of my SMILE strategies for no-fuss parenting. My six-year-old nephew Geoff, above, is demonstrating the "E" - Empowerment - as he tackles washing up all by himself after cooking his own scrambled eggs for breakfast (with only a little help with the hot stove). During my time as a toddler day care teacher and a preschool teacher I learned how much kids can do themselves with a little support and supervision - lessons that my own kids have re-taught me many times over the years.

LOOK! OVER THERE! Hah! Distracted you, didn't I? Refocus your child’s attention (or your own) to end battles. Distraction remains one of my favorite parenting strategies, even with teens.

• Kids melting down? Instead of getting caught up in a squabble, circumvent it with an activity. To get small fry involved, try the teacher tested-technique of "Plop and Do." Just gather the supplies to build a block tower, or set up a blanket and pillow fort, or whatever, and start doing it. Little guys will be attracted to it like fruit flies to those aging bananas on the counter. Bonus: as soon as the kiddies are engaged, you can slip away to do something else (as long as it's not something even more appealing to your kids, like mushing up the gross bananas to make muffins).


• You'll get more mileage out of your kids' toys during the long winter if you follow the strategies used in schools and childcare centers: stick to toys with many, many uses, like dolls, plastic animals and action figures, a dress up box, classic building toys, art supplies; avoid like the plague any toys that make electronic noises (these should be "accidentally" broken as quickly as possible and put out in the trash, or else you can just forget over and over to buy new batteries); keep most toys stashed out of kid reach and rotate what's available for play on a regular basis - this keeps the mess to a minimum, interest high, and prevents kids from getting overwhelmed by too many choices; and shift activities often, alternating a quiet activity with a rowdier one, a do-alone activity with a do-together one.


• You can check out some specific activity ideas on the list I provided to KDKA before my appearance at this link to their website.
  

EMPOWER YOUR CHILD Give him the tools to grow and to be an important member of the family - life will be easier and more satisfying for everyone.

• Set the stage by doing your job as parent. I know, it can be hard to act mature when you've spent the last 12 hours scraping playdough out of the carpet, playing 75 straight games of Candyland (and losing every one), and cutting the crusts off PB&J, but if you don't meet your kid's basic needs for good nutrition, adequate sleep, and plenty of exercise, nothing else will work.


• Set up a “Yes, I can” environment with child-sized equipment. Stock up on step stools and sturdy chairs, buy unbreakable dishes, choose safe cleaning supplies (it's amazing how well baby wipes clean things), and invest in real but small-sized tools (like a tiny snow shovel, kid-sized kitchen utensils, a little broom and dustpan).


• Assign chores (like making the bed – yes, it will look like crap, but that's okay; setting the table - make placemats showing the positions of utensils; and emptying waste baskets - provide a box with a wide "mouth" that your child can push room to room). Also invite kids to participate in family decisions whenever possible (like what to do for fun on the weekend, menu-planning, which choice for the summer vacation is best).


• Teach emotional control strategies like "spitting out grumpies" (take a cup of water in the bathroom, swish water and grumpies around, spit out in sink) or "holding in hitting" (with a tight self-inflicted bear hug if necessary) to manage strong feelings.


• Let your kid experience frustration – and learn he can try again; let her be bored and discover how to be resourceful. Teach problem-solving approaches, like asking, “What if..?” and “What else could I do?”


• Finally, get each kid a Power Rangers outfit (or Spiderman suit, Incredibles costume, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle get-up, etc.) and whenever your kids whine that they can't do something, say, "But a Power Ranger can! And you're a Power Ranger, right?" (When they get older, this strategy can switch to: "But someone mature enough to drive a car can do that! And you're mature enough to drive, right?")
  
  Here are links to my FussBuster books on amazon, if you're searching for more detailed, specific ideas: FussBusters at Home and FussBusters on the Go.

Oh! One last thing. I'm planning to make Tuesdays my day for posting general parenting tips, and as well as tips for reading with your kids and/or reviews of kids' books - I'll use the title "Tuesday Tip Day" when I do. I'm not promising every week or anything, but I'll try to make it fairly regular!

Cabin Fever Cures

Tomorrow morning I'm putting on my parenting expert hat and doing a spot on Pittsburgh Today Live (KDKA - the CBS affiliate) with Kristine Sorensen on helping parents survive the short winter days when trapped indoors with a mess of little kids. I remember those days well, even though the White Power Ranger in the above photo of my kids just celebrated his 2oth birthday, a fact which kind of freaks me out.


Anyway, here is "SMI," or the first three parts of my SMILE system - five easy parenting strategies that work in almost any tough situation, even snow days! (For that matter, they work pretty well for people of any age, with or without kids.) I've included some practical examples of how to implement them, with a focus on ideas that work well this time of year. I promise to add the last two strategies - the "LE" - tomorrow. (I'd put everything up today, but I need some time tonight to do something about my hair and figure out what I'm going to wear, especially since I have to sit next to the skinny and lovely Ms. Sorensen tomorrow morning. And I know for a fact she has two kids, so I can't just blame the difference in our looks on my motherhood status. Drat. Well, I am a lot older than she is.)

STICK TO SAME AND SIMPLE Routines, rituals and clear rules keep your child secure and happy.

• Develop a schedule and easy routines for each day's Big Events like meals and bedtime. (Visit www.flylady.net if you need help with family life routines, or if you're like me and are prone to a certain, well, slobbiness.)


• Ease post-holiday blues with a few fun traditions as you transition back into normal routines, like letting everyone eat a little of the now-stale gingerbread house on the day you put the holiday decorations away.


• Teach the Golden Rule (over and over and over), and use catchphrases (like “Use your words not your body” or “Inside voices please”) to remind your child that punching and screeching are more than you can bear at the moment.

MAKE THE MOST OF MUSIC AND ART These soothe the savage beast – and help civilize her too.

• For some reason, kids are more likely to comply with demands if you sing them. Singing in an opera voice will even make my husband do what I want, as long as I agree to stop the minute he cooperates. Adapt the lyrics to familiar all-purpose tunes like “The Wheels on the Bus” and “Here We Go ‘Round the Mulberry Bush” or just make up a chant that kind of has rhythm.


• Know why movies always seem better than real life? Soundtracks. (And professional make-up artists help too.) Put on music to create or change the mood in your home. It doesn't have to be kid music. In fact, on a blizzardy, cranky day - it's probably best to avoid anything sung by purple dinosaurs or by adults acting like freakishly cheerful little kids.


• Use arts and crafts to bust stress and teach kids to follow directions. I highly recommend my friend Judy Press's arts and crafts books if you need ideas. Try The Little Hands Big Fun Craft Book (Williamson).

• Here's a quick and easy "craft" or "science project" (depending on which your kid prefers). Pour about an inch of milk into a shallow plastic container. Drop dots of food coloring over the surface (they should kind of sit tight where you drip them). Pour a small amount of dishwashing liquid into another small container and give your child a toothpick. Show him how to dip the tip into the soap and then lightly into the center of one of the food coloring drops. WOW! If you go easy on the soap, you can repeat this for quite a long time before there's just too much soap in the milk. Just be nice and don't hog this activity just because it's so much fun.
  

INVOKE IMAGINATION AND HUMOR They’re great tools to prevent rebellion and create warmth.

• To make your child stop pinching her little brother, ask her to fly like a dragon or trot like a pony to the other room and fetch something for you.


• To encourage hat-wearing, put a mirror at kid-height by the winter clothes hooks - and allow considerable vamping and silliness. Get boots on reluctant tootsies by pretending to be Prince Charming outfitting Cinderella with her glass galoshes.


• Stock up on funny books, silly CDs, outlandish dress-up clothes, and anything else that gets your gang giggling.

Need more ideas than this and can't wait for me to post more of them? Check out my award-winning parenting books, FussBusters at Home and FussBusters on the Go (Peachtree).